Remote Control


Can it be true that a mild-mannered remote you pick up at Wal-Mart for 20 bucks can have a secret, hidden identity?

Would you believe this little wonder can do more than some remotes that cost 40 times as much? Save your student loan for what it was meant for – beer – because this bit of technology is one of the best gadget values around.

If you’re a geek, you’ll be awed by the fact that you can interface it with your PC. If you’re not a geek, you’ll be relieved to know that you don’t have to. But what makes this remote special is its ability to issue commands that even the remote that came with your system can’t manage. Yes, that’s right, your TV or DVD might have features you didn’t even know it had; and this remote will find them!

It’s called the One-For-All Cinema 7 Learning Remote, and it looks about as boring as it sounds. Think of this as the Clark Kent of remotes. It functions in a predictable typical way, but is capable of “taking off its glasses” and wowing you with its super powers when you need them. And at night, its buttons actually glow an eerie kryptonite green. Coincidence? Yeah, probably. But still!

Right about now you should be expecting some examples of its superpowers. Alright then. It turns out my TV has an instant replay feature. How crazy is that? It replays the last second of video in a loop until you press the button again. There’s nothing about this in the manual and no button on the original remote lets me do this.

And this is not a new set, it’s a 12-year-old RCA TV. But there it is: Star Trek: The Next Generation’s Tasha Yar is now in my infinite loop, reaching for her communicator, over and over again. I, for one, can watch this for quite a while actually. Yes, reach again, that's it.

Anyway, aside from adding value to Star Trek, what else can it do? It’s able to learn from other devices. In my case, I have it controlling my Windows Media Player, and since I have my PC hooked up to my TV, it makes it a very natural thing to do. And believe it or not, it actually has a code to put Furbies to sleep. I’m not kidding. If your Furbies are causing too much of a racket, as they do, you can point your Cinema 7 at them in a firm but matter-of-fact fashion, press the assigned button, and zap, they start snoring! Really, they do. Go right to sleep is what happens. Honest.

Alright, I know that at this point about 90 per cent of you have decided that I’m full of it.

Well, do a Google and see for yourself - this code exists! And this remote has it. Okay? Finished googling? Ha! Who’s the man now, eh? Yeah, you’re all just like my ex-girlfriend.

Anyway, I’ll go on. It can also turn on my TV, receiver and converter with just one press of the power button. One more press turns everything off – simple, neat and effective. The trick is that almost none of these capabilities are mentioned in the sheet of paper that they humorously refer to as the “manual”.

Remember, this remote is marketed at mouth-breathers who shop at Wal-Mart, listen to Travis Tritt CDs and vote Bush, and is priced accordingly. So to unlock its many hidden capabilities, you must download the “real” manual from one of the many Cinema 7 fan sites. Good luck.

Excalibur Naked Tech