Excalibur Online

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It surrounds us, penetrates us and provides guidance to those who ask. Its powers are as great as its reach is wide.

Believers already know that with a tithe of 10% of your income, you too may subscribe to Fido's wireless GPRS unlimited internet service. Yes, for $50 per month you can surf the web wherever you find yourself in the (western) world.

You see, the awesome power of the internet is in the very air we breath. Fido's GPRS signals are literally with us everywhere we go, penetrating our very bodies with waves of pure information. And it's a good thing too since I wouldn't want your body to be blocking my reception.

This invisible force provides us with guidance through Yahoo Maps, the virtue of Google reveals the answers to life's questions, and we are all bound together through MSN Messenger. Yes, sometimes we sense a disturbance in this invisible force when our browsers slow down, like a billion zombie PCs all crying out at once - in a denial-of-service attack. (Note, don't worry if you didn't understand that last line - it just means you're not a geek. If you hear anyone around you laughing like that Poindexter guy from Revenge of the Nerds - you'll know why ;)

So, how does this work? Lots of ways! If you want to connect your laptop - just place your phone next to your laptop's built-in IR port. Start up Internet Explorer and you're online! Your phone will communicate with your laptop in the same way that your remote communicates with your TV - through IR (Infrared) light beams. Cool eh? Or let’s say you're at Timothy's and want to win a free coffee by answering the trivia question. Easy! I point my trusty Palm Vx PDA at my phone - do a Google, and a few seconds later I get my answer. It's even easier if you buy one of the new Palm phones like the Treo 650 - there's nothing to point at anything else because its all built in.

What's the catch? Well, after about a decade of including an IR port on just about every Laptop and PDA ever made, the laptop manufacturers have decided that it would be best to save the 5 cents it costs them to include it so you might have to buy a $50 IR adapter to get this to work.

Fortunately, PDA makers must not socialize with the laptop makers, because they seem to be unaware of this brilliant cost cutting measure and still include IR technology. In fact, the PDA makers must be befriending the cell phone makers because most cell phones these days seem to be sporting them as well.

But if you think all this IR remote control light beaming is too old school for you, there's something newer called Bluetooth that does pretty much the same thing, but with radio waves so that you don't have to do any pointingl; you just have to have your phone and PDA close to each other to go online. Lately, more and more cell phones and PDAs are including the Bluetooth feature. But, of course, not the laptop makers. You'll be paying about $70 extra for a Bluetooth adapter for your laptop.

So what do laptops include these days? WiFi. I meet lots of WiFi using laptop owners in cafes asking me how I'm able to be online since they can't find a signal. I smile and say, come here brother, let me show you the light...


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